dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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