My entire life is one complicated drinking game
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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