I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
