How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
