I want to walk on stilts...naked
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
