the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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