Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
