I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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