Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
