I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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