how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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