I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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