There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
