So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
