When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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