I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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