Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
organizing the empties. That sober.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
How does one acquire holy water?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
