i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
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I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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