My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
