Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
