It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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