i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
