hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
