I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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