I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
