I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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