Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
19 Cringe-worthy Bachelorette Party Texts
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The 23 Worst Things That Have Happened After a One Night Stand
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver