Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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