she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it