Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"