they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
