no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.