cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.