Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He came all over her clothes we have to leave