My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.