we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
