my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
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