So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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