I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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