I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
