All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
