So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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