Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
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