:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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