You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
