I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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