She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Im part way to drunk.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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