Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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