today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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