Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
