it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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