I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Randomize
