we're chasing vodka with high fives
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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