everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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