Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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