She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
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She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
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Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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