There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
