i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
