Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
