Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
