No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
The best revenge is premature balding
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
