i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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