You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
