a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The feeling are messing with the penis
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Randomize
