Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
