is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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