im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
