Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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