wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
