Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
