people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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