wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
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