I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
