"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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