i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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