My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
