I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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