either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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