if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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