if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
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Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
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You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
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