im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
