Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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