we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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