i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
