where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
