my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
