Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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