OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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