Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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