i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
