Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
