So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
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