So drunk its hurt
The best revenge is premature balding
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
