that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
