I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
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Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
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Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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