There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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