peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
i think my cat just said my name.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize