Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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