A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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